When The Edges Touch

I have a friend who does not like her food to touch.  She even has plates with those separator things in them.  Needless to say, we tease her a lot about it and pose lots of questions about, “What if its potatoes and meatloaf?  Cereal and milk? Sausage and eggs?  Casseroles?”  Admittedly though, I’m not a fan of everything running together either.  Food or otherwise. 

When I think about it, I compartmentalize a lot.  I have mental file folders and boxes for things.  This person is a co-worker and they go in the work box.  This person is a neighbor and they go in that box.  This one is a friend, so she goes in that box, but not the work box.  This behavior is a home behavior and does not go in the work box. 

This may be the reason that I’m not good at keeping in touch with people.  The friends I had in Florida that were in the friend box were sort of renamed into the FLORIDA friends box when I moved to Georgia, which is different and separate from the Georgia friends box.  My husband andI had lunch one day with some of my Florida friends that was travelling near here.  It was really weird, but only for me.  When someone crosses from one box to another, or somehow ends up in more than one box, it makes me itch.

My aunt works at the same company I do.  It works, because we don’t work exactly together.  If we did, it would be all kinds of weird for me.  It’s not that I have anything to hide; I’m pretty open.  I’m basically the same person no matter what the box is, it is just one of my weird idiosyncracies. 

So the people are in file folders which are in boxes that are associated with relationships.  They are on shelves that are locations, in rows based on past, way way past and present.  I know.  I know.  I am so OCD.  Look on this as transparent self-revelation, people. 

Anyway, lately I’ve been thinking that keeping things so separated is not how things are supposed to be.  If I have nothing to hide, and if I am who I am all the time, why should there be these boxes and this separation?  I’m stewing on this, getting it all twisted in my head, wringing it around and I’m not much further along this road. 

It seems though that there is a lesson for me hidden in this somewhere.  I’ve had some close calls lately where the edges are starting to touch.  My gut reaction is uh uhh oohhh it’s gonna touch!!!  As if I’m waiting for a bomb to deploy, some awful chemical reaction or something.  Makes very little sense, I admit.  It makes me itchy, uncomfortable, as if I have to check all the connections and plugs and monitor the safety of all appendages. 

This is really ignorant, and at this point, I’m hovering over my delete key.  I’ve rolled my eyes exactly 11 times since I started typing this post; its that ridiculous.  So why is it so itchy when I think of my ex, when a friend from a long time ago emails, when I invite a neighbor to the church box, when a family member moves in on the work box? 

But I think what I’m supposed to see is that we are all connected, and that all of the edges are of my own creation.  You see, God is not a God of fences and separations.  He is not a God of exclusion, but of inclusion.  He is not a God particular areas or people, but of everything.  So what if this… what if God was to gather up all my edges in His hand and hold them in a bunch?  What if instead of keeping those edges safe He chose to use those edges to touch, heal, clean, and soothe every other edge that there is? 

What if instead of focusing on those edges and where He puts them I could focus on the fact that it’s His hand that has them all gathered up to start with?  Wouldn’t be half as itchy then.

Reflections

Okay, so I had a thought.  I’m walking Maddie this morning and just talking to God about how beautiful the moon is.  It was so bright, so clear.  If you’ve ever walked outside when there was a big, full moon on a super clear night, that’s where I was.  The moon seemed to have a luminescence that surrounded it, as if it were lighting up the atmosphere, seeping out into the air.  It lit up the street, the field where I was walking, so much that even the blades of grass had soft gray shadows.  The moon looked like one of those big, super bright construction lights.  I marvelled at just how much light it was providing.
 
Then it hit me.
 
The moon does not have its own light.  It is merely a reflection of the sun.  So this celestial body that is nothing more than dirt and minerals was providing this much light as nothing more than a reflection.
 
Christ is like the sun.  He is the Light of the world.  And we should be reflecting His light into the darkness.  We aren’t light in and of ourselves; we just reflect His light.  Just as the moon has phases, so do we.  There are times when we fully reflect His glory, and other times when it is partially obscured by some darkness, when the world covers us up and hides His light. 
 
I’ve done some studying of the effects of the full moon on nature.  The phases and strength of the moon determine the tides.  They influence animals and humans. 
 
We should be the same way.  We need to recognize that when we FULLY reflect the light of God, we have an incredible effect on the world around us.  The light casts out darkness all around us.  We have influence on people when we are fully reflecting His light; we have the power to draw people to Him like the tides.  How cool is that??
 
So think about it for a minute.  How’s your moon?  Are you fully reflecting the glory of God, or are you just a sliver?

Fantasy Draft

Have you ever played Fantasy Football?  You know the thing… where you draft players from the NFL for positions on your fantasy team.  You can pick the quarterback from Denver, the running back from Miami, the tight end from Arizona, defensive line from LA.  You get to pick what you consider to be the best fit for your personal fantasy football team.  Then there’s this weird method of scoring, and I have no idea how to do that, but that’s not the point.
 
Anyway… What if you could have a Fantasy Draft in various areas of your life?  What if you could pick whatever person in the world you wanted as a boss?  As a neighbor?  Last night I got to thinking about church.  We need someone over our Connect Kids.  We need someone whose passion is in line with our vision, who loves kids and that’s just their thing. 
 
In my very overactive imagination, I started imagining what it would be like to have a fantasy draft for church leadership.  Heh.  What if we could play God with it?  What if we could “call” people into leadership in various positions?  Not only that but also spiritually and mentally prepare them for it.  Would that not be cool?  I had all kinds of people picked out for various roles in Connect Rome.  I was stoked.
 
And then this morning as I was walking Maddie, I was thinking.  It was way way cold.  The stars were partially hidden, and it was still quite dark.  There were about 2 stars that I could see clearly.  I was thinking about the others and where they were, how bright those two that I could see were.  I thought of how I always look for those two particular stars.  I know where they are at that precise time, and I spot them.  Sure enough, they are there.  But where are the rest? 
 
So here’s the thing.  I can focus on something, but there is no way I can dream up the whole picture like God can.  I might be able to visualize one awesome star, maybe two.  But I am not God.  I cannot fill the entire sky with stars.  I can’t even see them.  I can’t see the big picture like He can.  I had to laugh to myself, which of course startled Maddie.  No matter how awesome I think my fantasy draft of church leaders is, it’s no where near as cool as what God has planned. 
 
It’s pretty comforting to know that the God of the universe is putting together my team.

Life Change & Maddie

Life changes so fast.  Sometimes it is welcome, others maybe not.  Sometimes we make that change, and other times, it happens to us.  Sometimes even though the changes are positive, they are hard. 
 
This is the reason for my prolonged silence here.  Life change.  Okay, so maybe that is a bit dramatic.  We got a dog. 
 
We adopted Maddie about a week and a half ago from Animal Control.  We believe she is a shih tzu / terrier mix of some sort.  She’s about a year and a half old and looks sort of like a white Benji with a couple brown spots.  She is precious and incredibly sweet.  And I’m all torn up inside.  Bobby dropped her off at the vet this morning to be spayed, and she will have to stay overnight.  I cannot imagine going home tonight and her not being there.  11 days and our world has changed. 
 
I have to get up earlier.  My schedule, and unfortunately most of my conversations, revolve around whether or not Maddie has gone “potty potty” and what level it was.  Is she eating.  What toys is she playing with.  What treats are her favorite.  What leash / collar / halter has she destroyed and how long did it take.  Fascinating stuff. 
 
It’s definitely good for me and Bobby.  I made excuses all over the place to not go to the gym, but I have no excuse not to walk Maddie.  She has to go out, has to walk, has to sniff until she finds an appropriately scented doggie toilet.  3 times a day we walk, up and down the street, over and over.  I know I’m wearing a rut into one side of the street.  Last night I even jogged.  Yeah, crazy stuff.  Jogged.  For a dog.  Because it seemed to make her happy, make her tail wag, make her jump all over me and shower me with kisses.  I’m a softie like that. 
 
For all the good, there are rough parts.  Adjusting the schedule, not sleeping as much, the expense, the suspension of our “normal” life, the worry, the frustration, not knowing.  I’m tired, very tired.  This is when I know that having a baby probably wouldn’t have been a good idea.  A dog wears me out. 
 
But then there are things like watching her tail wag when we come into the room, watching as she learns her name, puppy kisses.  And the best of all is when she lays her little head on my leg and does that sweet little sigh of contentment.  Ugh.  Gets you right here, you know, right in the heart.  So that’s where I’m at.   Waiting on Maddie to potty, cleaning up said poo, repairing a chewed leash, a torn up toy and showering her with lovin.  Good stuff.

Political Jesus?

At the risk of beating a dead horse, I’m discussing the obvious – the political events of the day.  Sort of.  Supporter or not, today was historical for a couple of reasons.  Number one, it is a presidential inauguration, which is always a historical event.  Number two, the whole race issue.  First African American president. 

While it is a big deal as far as the history of the nation is concerned, his race is a non-issue to me.  Sure, I note it, I see it, but it doesn’t matter when you take into account that WHO he is comes from the inside, not his skin. 

Just to get it out of the way, yes, I voted.  I researched the issues and voted according to what I believe. 

But beyond that… was Jesus political?  Did He campaign for / against public officials?  Did He lobby for a cause, sending letters, boycotting, etc?  I’ve always hated hearing “Christian” groups getting behind a cause or issue and beating it to death in the name of God.  So much energy, time and money is spent on it; it’s ridiculous. 

Even today, it’s a topic of conversation.  But step back and listen to the conversations from a more observant viewpoint as opposed to a participatory viewpoint.  While we are all human, Americans, and thus are affected by what goes on politically in our world, it seems that some people are too wrapped up in it. 

As Christians, we say that God has things under control, that He rules the world, and His will be done.  Yet, I’ve heard Christians panicking and saying that oh dear Lord, we’d better pray because the country is going to hell in a handbasket, how did this happen, he’s the antichrist, etc.  For crying out loud, do you not believe that Christ is still on the throne??? Do you not think He knows what is going on and that He has allowed this man to take office? 

And what if he IS the antichrist??  Read Revelation.  Whether you are pre-trib, mid or post, that would only bring us closer to being with our Savior!! 

It breaks my heart that these same Christians believe that because of the color of his skin, he is incapable.  Whether he is or not is certainly not determined by his skin tone. 

We watched the inauguration at work, and I listened to people around me.  My heart was breaking for them, and yet, I admit, I got very angry.  It was idiocy, all this talk, these racist remarks, peppered with cries to God and sanctimonious whispered “prayers”.  I tried to remind myself to have the attitude of Christ (something which I am trying to remember on a continuous basis and struggling with).  I asked myself what He would say, what He thinks, and wondered what His thoughts are watching this inauguration. 

Jesus isn’t a political pawn to be taken out of a dusty box and used when people need ammunition to sway the religious right!  He isn’t a game piece to be played when you’re down and need to push opinion in your favor.  No matter who the president is, the Lord is still in control.  And Christ isn’t charmed by your “God bless his heart” while you comment on the size of his lips or his middle name. 

If we as Christians would spend as much time, energy and money on loving people – which you may recall is the first and greatest command – instead of pushing our political agendas and trying to mold our version of Christ into our version of government, then imagine the changes we could make in our world!  If we would embrace pregnant teenagers, homosexuals, homeless people, addicts, sluts, criminals, liars, cheats, thieves and politicians and love them, serve them, care for them and model Jesus, then we could stop pushing our opinions because people would see them.  We could stop picketing and putting our thoughts on signs, yelling from the streetcorner, because people would know what we believe by our actions. 

If I am becoming like Jesus, if I am letting Him live through me, in me, if I am one with Him, having His attitude, am I busy deriding the world leaders and disagreeing with their systems or points of view, or am I wrapped up in feeding hungry, clothing people, accepting people as they are and LIVING the gospel? 

If we’d stop being political Jesuses and start being who Jesus really IS, we could change the world. 

(end of rant… for now)

Turning Point

This week, I found myself at what could have been a major turning point in my life.  My mom got a call that the doctor had seen something suspicious on her mammogram and needed to do some further testing.  When she called to tell me, she was painting a positive picture with her words, saying all the right encouraging and hopeful things.  But in her voice was that tremor of uncertainty, fear, dread.  Cancer.  What if.  I felt it with her.  I’m normally a very optimistic person, but this shook me more than I bargained for.  I went to the restroom at work and hit my knees.  Literally.  I’m usually a pray-where-I-am kind of person.  But this, this was entirely different. 

I was looking in the face the possibility that my life, my mother’s life, might be changing drastically.  I was slammed against a possible turning point.  I knew, waiting for that second test, that the news could very possibly change our lives forever.  And all I could do with that was to get on my knees and beg God.  I didn’t even know what I was begging for.  I tried to think of all the possible “God angles”, of what He could be doing, why she would have cancer, how the situation could glorify Him.  I spent exactly 12 seconds on that before I was on my knees on the dirty tile floor of the bathroom watching my tears form puddles in the grout. 

I’ve read that the Holy Spirit intercedes to God for us with groans that words cannot express.  I swore I heard them.  But in that instant, there was a peace in knowing that no matter what happened, God was in control.  Despite that peace though, I spent the next few days praying hard, being extra nice to my mom.  It was almost as if I was preparing in slow motion for my life to make this drastic, probably negative, change.  By the grace of God, she does not have cancer.  But now, a day later, I’m reflecting on those few days. 

The amount of praying, the fervency and urgency of it, the way that I was planning and expecting to give of myself, to sacrifice to be with her, to do whatever needed to be done.  I was mentally rearranging my life to prepare for this negative turning point.

But… what if we were willing to do that for possible positive turning points?  What if we prayed with that much passion, trusted God that much, rearranged our lives just to bring people to a positive turning point in their lives?  What if we were willing to get up extra early, to work harder, to do things that were not “our jobs”, to give of ourselves physically and monetarily?  What if we invested our lives to bring people to a positive turning point?

We can.  We should.  We need to. 

Get involved.  Connect Rome is going to be that positive turning point for some people.  God will use it to change their lives for eternity.  Will you be a part of that?  Follow the link to it and give.  Better yet, show up!  Show up not to warm a seat on Sunday at 11 – which is nice – but get there early, stay late, and help.  Be a part of a Connect Group.  Connection Point is a week from today – the 24th – at 7:00pm at The Nest.  Be there.  Get involved and impact your community through your Connect Group.

Most importantly though, listen to God.  Ask Him to show you how to get people to that turning point.  He will.  Ask Him to let you be a part of His plan for it.  He will.  Listen to Him tell you how to serve and love on people.  He will. 

He will be a positive turning point for people.  The question is, will you help get people there?

Changing Directions

If you haven’t read this article by Francis Chan yet, you should.  That’s some serious stuff right there.  I dig it when people DO what they believe. 

 

I was fired up to write about that and how it relates to small groups, how they are vital to the church because of being able to actively live out these things.  I was going to write about community.  But as I sit here about to write this at work, I’m listening to my coworkers talk around me.

 

And my heart is breaking.

 

A young man has committed suicide.  He is the son of one of my coworker’s cousins.  That’s a horrible, sad thing.  Apparently this young man “was one of those Goth kids”.  They are looking at his picture on the funeral home website.  He has hair that is long, sweeps over his face.  He’s wearing eyeliner and all black clothes with piercings.  My heart breaks for his mother, his family, for him.

 

The obituary says he was a member of a local church.  When read out loud, both women scoff at this.  One comments that maybe his parents were, but that the church is “one of those non-denominational ones” so maybe that was the problem.  They talk about how he obviously had problems and was a bad kid, how he surely wouldn’t have gone to that church because he didn’t look like it. 

 

My heart breaks for that church, for these women.

 

And I think of this article, on what the early church looked like.  Was there anyone back then who didn’t “look like” they belonged in a particular church?  Did one group of Christ followers talk about how another group of them was wrong, invalid and imply that they were less than right?  I don’t know anything about this particular church, except for what I’ve just learned.  Apparently, you have to look a certain way to be a member there.  You’re expected to dress and be groomed in a particular way.  That is how you’re known.  That’s how you’re identified.

 

Dear God, may I never identify people that way.  May I never pigeonhole like that.  I hope that Connect Rome is never a place where people “look like” they’re members.  I pray that Connect Rome is not known as merely having nice looking, well groomed members where the ladies wear pantyhose and have nice hair and matching purses.  A place where the men tuck their shirts in, get monthly haircuts and wear pressed clothes. 

 

My prayer is that we change the direction of the church, back to what it was intended to be.  I pray that we as Christians, and as a church, as Connect Rome, as Connect Groups, as people, are known as the group that loves, that accepts that runs hard after Christ, the group that shares, the group that cares for people.  I would rather be identified as the church that the Goth kids, the rockers, the stoners, the addicts, the prostitutes, the drug dealers, the homeless, the misfits go to. 

 

God, make us a church that welcomes everyone, that will sit down in our homes and break bread with each other, that will share what we have with each other.  Break our hearts for these people, Lord.  Help us to change our thinking, change directions from church for perfect people to church for the imperfect, the hurting, the sinners, the wrong, the lonely. 

 

If you are already in a church – if there is a kid that comes there who is a “Goth kid”, who you immediately figure must have problems, must be a bad kid – remember this… That is not just a Goth kid, it is GOD’S kid!  Treat him like that!  Love him just as if he were wearing a Polo and slacks.  Please, people, let’s change the direction of the church and get back to what Christ intended in Acts. 

 

How do we make that change?  It starts with you and me.  Be the change.  Let it grow from you to your small group to your church to your community.  Imagine the impact that we can all have if we change directions. 

 

Feels Like Chaos

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly
                                      -Sanctus Real

Our prayer group has a mental list of prayers that I call backfiring prayers.  These are things that you pray for, but you are a bit hesitant as to how exactly God will answer them.  For instance, you pray for more time with a family member and they end up in the hospital with you as the sole caretaker.  You pray for God to work in your prayer life, and all of a sudden you start getting numerous calls at all hours of the day and night with people who want you to pray for them.  You pray for God to help you with getting rid of your pride and you lose your job and end up scrubbing toilets. 

God answers prayer.  Make no mistake about it.  But He answers according to His will and His plan which is enormously bigger than we can comprehend.  I also believe He doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, with Him, but sometimes I wonder at how He has such faith in me. 

A few months ago, I started praying for God to stretch me beyond my comfort level, to make me uncomfortable, to push me.  I prayed to be disturbed, to have His heart, to grow.  Even when I started praying it, I knew it was dangerous.  I knew this meant giving up comfort and surety and predictability.  But I want it!  I want to be closer to Him, to go deeper in this relationship and for Him to work through me in ways that I’ve not even imagined yet.  I want to be active for Him, to be effective for Him, to be in line with His will for my life, the chazown He has given me.

Man… how He answers.  It started in small ways, being spurred to action on some things, hearing Him speak to me about others, hearing His commands and guidance.  I’m having to learn to be obedient in ways that I’ve never done.  But with each step, I feel that I’ve only just seen the tip of the iceberg of what He’s doing inside of me. 

I don’t pretend to know what God is doing with me.  I can make some generalizations about how He is growing me and what He is teaching me, but long term, I can’t get my head around what He’s doing.  All the little things, the small steps that get me to that point, He arranges them.  And with each growth stage, there is a push and pull.  He pushes me and sometimes I instinctively resist and pull back.  He pushes again, because I asked for it, because He loves me, and I begin to move. 

All of this growth, these new revelations, keep my head spinning, yet at peace.  I am 100% at peace with what God is doing through me and in me.  But at the same time, there is so much going on inside me.  It feels like chaos. 

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender to…

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly

What is He doing in you?  Does it feel like chaos on the inside ever?

Oh How He Loves Us

I am humbled by my God’s love for me, over and over, repeatedly.  The ways that He provides for us, that He teaches us and takes care of us amaze me.  I know this song is somewhat controversial in its imagery, but I love it.  It is worship for a desperate soul, a heart that is desperately in love with God.  And no matter what your breakdown is theologically, no matter if you agree with the imagery 100%, I don’t understand how you can break this down phrase by phrase instead of getting lost in this love song to our Savior.  To me, the only way to have a problem with these lyrics is to just not get them, to not understand where they are coming from.  And that breaks my heart, it burns me to want people to get this, to experience this love with God. 

He is jealous for me
Love’s like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.
Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.
So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves
                                                            -John Mark McMillan

Take a few minutes to think about how much He loves you.  Wrap yourself in it, and thank Him for it.  Really GET how much He loves you.  It goes beyond Bible school songs, beyond little stories, beyond our feeble minds can understand, beyond our scarred hearts can grasp.  But TRY!!  TRY to understand how much He loves you!!  And when you think you are getting it, let it wash over you until you are so in love with Him that you can’t help but praise Him.

The Drawing

Do you ever feel like God has maybe given you a glimpse of what He’s doing?  Like maybe He’s allowing you to see part of the process or preparation for what He’s building?  I wonder sometimes if we were able to see the big picture of what God is doing, if we could even comprehend it. 

Kind of like that old MTV show “Six Degrees of Separation” where all these people are connected within 6 levels of each other. 

It seems sometimes that we are allowed to see the connections between people and events, but not all of them.  Like points on a map, we can see part of a route with some landmarks.  We may not be able to see the entire destination or journey, but we can see enough of it to get an idea as to where we may end up.   Maybe its like Moses not being able to actually SEE God, but only to see where He’d been because Moses couldn’t handle actually seeing God.

Maybe we couldn’t handle seeing God’s entire plan for things, seeing how everything is connected and inter-related.  But because He is growing us and stretching us, He allows us to see little parts of it so that we can see He is doing something. 

It’s in those little parts that we find mystery.  We begin to see God moving, lining things up, preparing us and others for what He is going to do.  In some ways, I’ve become more sensitive to that.  I’ve become enthralled and awed by God’s control, His plan.  I’m humbled by how He arranges and prepares things.  Because of this, I feel like a 5 year old who constantly asks her Daddy, “Why? … Why?… How come?  … Where?… What’s that for?” 

Every thought, emotion and dream become an amazingly intricate object to examine and wonder about.  Why could they be happening?  Why am I thinking this thought?  Why am I feeling this emotion?  Is this me?  Is this God?  Why am I drawn in this direction?

It seems that lately I’ve sensed God drawing me in a direction that I’ve never considered.  I have never imagined it.  I am not sure how it could be done, yet… I can see His purpose in it.  I believe that God gave me His big dream for my life.  I believe that He revealed my chazown.  And the amazingly cool thing is this:  This drawing that I’ve been feeling, it coincides with my chazown.  It lines up! 

So I don’t know what this looks like.  I don’t know what God’s timetable is, how this will happen, or when it will happen.  But, I feel Him drawing me, nudging me in a certain direction, preparing me.  Like an expectant mother goes through a nesting phase, I feel that I am preparing for something inevitable.  I just can’t wait to see how God brings it about.  I’m trusting Him because I know He’s drawing me.