Changing Directions

If you haven’t read this article by Francis Chan yet, you should.  That’s some serious stuff right there.  I dig it when people DO what they believe. 

 

I was fired up to write about that and how it relates to small groups, how they are vital to the church because of being able to actively live out these things.  I was going to write about community.  But as I sit here about to write this at work, I’m listening to my coworkers talk around me.

 

And my heart is breaking.

 

A young man has committed suicide.  He is the son of one of my coworker’s cousins.  That’s a horrible, sad thing.  Apparently this young man “was one of those Goth kids”.  They are looking at his picture on the funeral home website.  He has hair that is long, sweeps over his face.  He’s wearing eyeliner and all black clothes with piercings.  My heart breaks for his mother, his family, for him.

 

The obituary says he was a member of a local church.  When read out loud, both women scoff at this.  One comments that maybe his parents were, but that the church is “one of those non-denominational ones” so maybe that was the problem.  They talk about how he obviously had problems and was a bad kid, how he surely wouldn’t have gone to that church because he didn’t look like it. 

 

My heart breaks for that church, for these women.

 

And I think of this article, on what the early church looked like.  Was there anyone back then who didn’t “look like” they belonged in a particular church?  Did one group of Christ followers talk about how another group of them was wrong, invalid and imply that they were less than right?  I don’t know anything about this particular church, except for what I’ve just learned.  Apparently, you have to look a certain way to be a member there.  You’re expected to dress and be groomed in a particular way.  That is how you’re known.  That’s how you’re identified.

 

Dear God, may I never identify people that way.  May I never pigeonhole like that.  I hope that Connect Rome is never a place where people “look like” they’re members.  I pray that Connect Rome is not known as merely having nice looking, well groomed members where the ladies wear pantyhose and have nice hair and matching purses.  A place where the men tuck their shirts in, get monthly haircuts and wear pressed clothes. 

 

My prayer is that we change the direction of the church, back to what it was intended to be.  I pray that we as Christians, and as a church, as Connect Rome, as Connect Groups, as people, are known as the group that loves, that accepts that runs hard after Christ, the group that shares, the group that cares for people.  I would rather be identified as the church that the Goth kids, the rockers, the stoners, the addicts, the prostitutes, the drug dealers, the homeless, the misfits go to. 

 

God, make us a church that welcomes everyone, that will sit down in our homes and break bread with each other, that will share what we have with each other.  Break our hearts for these people, Lord.  Help us to change our thinking, change directions from church for perfect people to church for the imperfect, the hurting, the sinners, the wrong, the lonely. 

 

If you are already in a church – if there is a kid that comes there who is a “Goth kid”, who you immediately figure must have problems, must be a bad kid – remember this… That is not just a Goth kid, it is GOD’S kid!  Treat him like that!  Love him just as if he were wearing a Polo and slacks.  Please, people, let’s change the direction of the church and get back to what Christ intended in Acts. 

 

How do we make that change?  It starts with you and me.  Be the change.  Let it grow from you to your small group to your church to your community.  Imagine the impact that we can all have if we change directions. 

 

I’m not you

That’s ingenious, isn’t it?  Are you impressed with my philosophical depth?  I didn’t think so. 

Last night, I was trying to find some music to back a promo video for Connection Point.  I had this tune in my head, vague, a beat and some keyboard and guitar that I wanted.  I knew the feel that I wanted, what the emotional result should be. 

So I went through CDs and websites listening to snippets of song intros trying to find just the right music.  I spent a good amount of time on this, while at the same time, my husband searched his music.  He brought me songs to listen to, and they were never quite what I was looking for.  I kept describing what to me was the same thing over and over, and he kept bringing me what I was describing – in his mind.

It occurs to me that what inspires me, what moves me, what makes me laugh, may not do the same for you.  You don’t have the same past I do, the same experiences or memories, the same internal triggers.  Hmm… ok.  So this music that I found, it may mean nothing to you.  It may not get you all jacked up, it may not get you going. 

Even past that, if I don’t know what inspires you, or can’t identify with what makes you laugh or cry, how can I best relate to you?  How can I reach you if I’m not you?  If I don’t know how to get into your heart, to pique your attention?  If you watch this video, do you sit and wonder who I am or if I have a clue who you are on the inside?  Do you think that you are alone, that there is no one like you, no one who gets you, who knows you – the real you?

You’re wrong.  You aren’t alone.  And people could know the real you, they could know you inside and out, and that’s what Christ intended for us.  He intended for us to be known and to live in community with other people.  He never wanted us to doubt that there is someone who gets us.  We are made in the image of the trinity – of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  You know, the three are sort of interchangeable relationally.  We can pray to God, to Jesus, the Spirit.  Where there is One, the Others are there.  And Jesus wants that for us!

Can you imagine what it would be like for a group of people to know you so well that you are that close?  That where one of you is, the others are too?

If you can’t imagine that – I want to tell you about it.  I want you to experience it.  I want you to be known!  I want to know you.  I want you to be able to experience that unity, that relationship with other people where you are that close.  I promise you, it will change your life. 

I’m not you.  If I was, I would have already emailed me and asked how I can get that.  Email me.  Leave a comment.  I dare you.

Making It Simple

I’ve been looking forward to the launch of Connect Rome, and I am so glad that it finally has.  Sunday was awesome!  All the months of working and praying and planning came together in an amazing way.  For God to show up in a bar, yeah, that’s cool.

 

Now, I’m chomping at the bit to get ConnectGroups going.  We have Source, our leader training, this Thursday night.  I can’t tell you how excited I am to get this group of people together and start pouring into them, to get them fired up about what being a part of a ConnectGroup can do in your life and for other people’s lives. 

 

In less than 2 weeks, we have our very first Connection Point.  Man.  Just typing that blows me away.  I am so JACKED UP about getting people plugged in to groups.  I can’t say enough how life changing it is, not just for the people in the group, but for the people that they will impact.  And they will.  I know it from experience. 

 

That’s one of the most incredible things about ConnectGroups.  The influence and impact they have on people around them is one of those things that comes from God as an unexpected blessing.  While they are such a blessing to our own lives, it isn’t just about us!  But by being in these right relationships, in community, we are able to join together and change people’s lives like we’ve never done before. 

 

If you think of it, and please, think of it – please pray for our ConnectGroup leaders, for Source, for Connection Point.  Pray that God will guide them and give them confidence and strength to lead.  Pray that people will come to Connection Point with a desire to be a part of ConnectGroups, that they will get what this community thing is all about and want in on it.  Pray that we continue to find ways to make it simple for people to connect to God and each other.  And pray that we make it simple, that all the planning and work and preparation and prayer that we do accomplishes just that goal, that it makes it simple for people to connect.

Feels Like Chaos

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly
                                      -Sanctus Real

Our prayer group has a mental list of prayers that I call backfiring prayers.  These are things that you pray for, but you are a bit hesitant as to how exactly God will answer them.  For instance, you pray for more time with a family member and they end up in the hospital with you as the sole caretaker.  You pray for God to work in your prayer life, and all of a sudden you start getting numerous calls at all hours of the day and night with people who want you to pray for them.  You pray for God to help you with getting rid of your pride and you lose your job and end up scrubbing toilets. 

God answers prayer.  Make no mistake about it.  But He answers according to His will and His plan which is enormously bigger than we can comprehend.  I also believe He doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, with Him, but sometimes I wonder at how He has such faith in me. 

A few months ago, I started praying for God to stretch me beyond my comfort level, to make me uncomfortable, to push me.  I prayed to be disturbed, to have His heart, to grow.  Even when I started praying it, I knew it was dangerous.  I knew this meant giving up comfort and surety and predictability.  But I want it!  I want to be closer to Him, to go deeper in this relationship and for Him to work through me in ways that I’ve not even imagined yet.  I want to be active for Him, to be effective for Him, to be in line with His will for my life, the chazown He has given me.

Man… how He answers.  It started in small ways, being spurred to action on some things, hearing Him speak to me about others, hearing His commands and guidance.  I’m having to learn to be obedient in ways that I’ve never done.  But with each step, I feel that I’ve only just seen the tip of the iceberg of what He’s doing inside of me. 

I don’t pretend to know what God is doing with me.  I can make some generalizations about how He is growing me and what He is teaching me, but long term, I can’t get my head around what He’s doing.  All the little things, the small steps that get me to that point, He arranges them.  And with each growth stage, there is a push and pull.  He pushes me and sometimes I instinctively resist and pull back.  He pushes again, because I asked for it, because He loves me, and I begin to move. 

All of this growth, these new revelations, keep my head spinning, yet at peace.  I am 100% at peace with what God is doing through me and in me.  But at the same time, there is so much going on inside me.  It feels like chaos. 

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender to…

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly

What is He doing in you?  Does it feel like chaos on the inside ever?

A Cloud the Size of a Man’s Hand

There were some amazing speakers at Catalyst in 2008.  There were lots of bits of information that encouraged and challenged me, kicked my butt and picked me back up again.  One of the most dynamic and encouraging was Pastor Steven Furtick.  I’ve watched him on line and read his blog pretty much every day.  (Which is one of the best regular butt whoopins you can get.) 

Pastor Steven talked about the Process between the Promise and the Payoff.  He spoke from 1 Kings 18:41-46 -

And Elijah said to Ahab, “Go, eat and drink, for there is the sound of a heavy rain.”  So Ahab went off to eat and drink, but Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel, bent down to the ground and put his face between his knees.   “Go and look toward the sea,” he told his servant. And he went up and looked.
      ”There is nothing there,” he said.
      Seven times Elijah said, “Go back.” 
 The seventh time the servant reported, “A cloud as small as a man’s hand is rising from the sea.”  So Elijah said, “Go and tell Ahab, ‘Hitch up your chariot and go down before the rain stops you.’ “   Meanwhile, the sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain came on and Ahab rode off to Jezreel.  The power of the LORD came upon Elijah and, tucking his cloak into his belt, he ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel.

God made a promise to Elijah that He would send rain.  But Elijah had to go before a king who he believed would kill him, convince the people to turn away from Baal and spend time in prayer with his head between his knees before he got the payoff – the rain.  It wasn’t a one/two kind of thing, and it rarely ever is. 

God promises us something.  He gives us a vision for our lives but then requires us to prepare and work for it.  He has to get us ready for the payoff.  But God is faithful.  If He gives us a promise, and we are faithful in the process, He will make a payoff.  I’m not talking about money.  I mean the fulfillment of His promise in ways that are bigger than we can ever imagine.

Look at Elijah – He’s praying for that rain and sending his servant to look for it.  Seven times he sends the servant, and the servant comes back and tells Elijah that there is nothing.  Elijah doesn’t get discouraged and quit, he keeps praying, keeps on with the process. 

Here’s the other thing, Elijah doesn’t wait for the sky to break open in the biggest storm ever to begin praising God and claiming the promise.  He sees a cloud the size of a man’s hand, that’s it.  But its enough that he sends his servant to tell Ahab that it’s happening, to get back home to Jezreel.  Elijah sees this small cloud as the beginning of the big promise, not as some single event that is disappointing in size.  Then Elijah is so fired up that he runs to catch up with Ahab who is in a chariot, driven by a horse, passes him then continues to run 20 miles in front of him all the way to Jezreel.  That’s excited!!

I’m deep in the preparation for Connection Point, Source and Connect Groups, and I am SO fired up about what God is going to do in people’s lives.  I believe He has made me a promise, He’s given me vision of what He’ll do.  My job now is to be faithful in the process, to pray, to work out the details and do the preparation and training.  At the same time, I am looking for the fulfillment of that promise.  God is using this story (again) to remind me that when I see that small cloud, I should not be discouraged, but I will know that it is the beginning of the fulfillment of His promise.

What is your promise?  What vision has God given you?  Are you stuck in that process and worn out?  Are you still looking for the payoff?  Are you discouraged and waiting for a bigger cloud?  Get your face between your knees and pray – don’t neglect the process, and believe!  Believe that God is who He says He is and He is faithful to do what He has told you He will do!  He is not a man that He should lie, and when you see that small cloud – RUN!  Run with it!  Praise Him for the payoff and believe that He will accomplish all that He said He will. 

(fired up now, can’t sit still…)

Oh How He Loves Us

I am humbled by my God’s love for me, over and over, repeatedly.  The ways that He provides for us, that He teaches us and takes care of us amaze me.  I know this song is somewhat controversial in its imagery, but I love it.  It is worship for a desperate soul, a heart that is desperately in love with God.  And no matter what your breakdown is theologically, no matter if you agree with the imagery 100%, I don’t understand how you can break this down phrase by phrase instead of getting lost in this love song to our Savior.  To me, the only way to have a problem with these lyrics is to just not get them, to not understand where they are coming from.  And that breaks my heart, it burns me to want people to get this, to experience this love with God. 

He is jealous for me
Love’s like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.
Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.
So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves
                                                            -John Mark McMillan

Take a few minutes to think about how much He loves you.  Wrap yourself in it, and thank Him for it.  Really GET how much He loves you.  It goes beyond Bible school songs, beyond little stories, beyond our feeble minds can understand, beyond our scarred hearts can grasp.  But TRY!!  TRY to understand how much He loves you!!  And when you think you are getting it, let it wash over you until you are so in love with Him that you can’t help but praise Him.

The Drawing

Do you ever feel like God has maybe given you a glimpse of what He’s doing?  Like maybe He’s allowing you to see part of the process or preparation for what He’s building?  I wonder sometimes if we were able to see the big picture of what God is doing, if we could even comprehend it. 

Kind of like that old MTV show “Six Degrees of Separation” where all these people are connected within 6 levels of each other. 

It seems sometimes that we are allowed to see the connections between people and events, but not all of them.  Like points on a map, we can see part of a route with some landmarks.  We may not be able to see the entire destination or journey, but we can see enough of it to get an idea as to where we may end up.   Maybe its like Moses not being able to actually SEE God, but only to see where He’d been because Moses couldn’t handle actually seeing God.

Maybe we couldn’t handle seeing God’s entire plan for things, seeing how everything is connected and inter-related.  But because He is growing us and stretching us, He allows us to see little parts of it so that we can see He is doing something. 

It’s in those little parts that we find mystery.  We begin to see God moving, lining things up, preparing us and others for what He is going to do.  In some ways, I’ve become more sensitive to that.  I’ve become enthralled and awed by God’s control, His plan.  I’m humbled by how He arranges and prepares things.  Because of this, I feel like a 5 year old who constantly asks her Daddy, “Why? … Why?… How come?  … Where?… What’s that for?” 

Every thought, emotion and dream become an amazingly intricate object to examine and wonder about.  Why could they be happening?  Why am I thinking this thought?  Why am I feeling this emotion?  Is this me?  Is this God?  Why am I drawn in this direction?

It seems that lately I’ve sensed God drawing me in a direction that I’ve never considered.  I have never imagined it.  I am not sure how it could be done, yet… I can see His purpose in it.  I believe that God gave me His big dream for my life.  I believe that He revealed my chazown.  And the amazingly cool thing is this:  This drawing that I’ve been feeling, it coincides with my chazown.  It lines up! 

So I don’t know what this looks like.  I don’t know what God’s timetable is, how this will happen, or when it will happen.  But, I feel Him drawing me, nudging me in a certain direction, preparing me.  Like an expectant mother goes through a nesting phase, I feel that I am preparing for something inevitable.  I just can’t wait to see how God brings it about.  I’m trusting Him because I know He’s drawing me.

What if I say no?

Have you ever thought you heard God speak to you and intentionally ignored it?  Talked yourself out of it?  Convinced yourself that you didn’t hear it?

I know, I know.  Even as I see those words in type, I cringe.  I think, “What kind of idiot would do that???”

This kind.  Me.

And maybe just now I’m more aware of it than I ever have been.  I’m 100% sure that this is not the first time I’ve done it.  Maybe this is the first time I’ve been acutely aware of it.  Maybe this is the first time I’ve had it put in my face by a group of people who hold me accountable for this stuff (Thank God for them… and Christy & Bobby, please… keep putting it in my face.)

What I’m afraid of though, is that maybe this is the first time that I’ve cared that I was flat out telling God no.  Because really?  That’s what it is.  If I know God is speaking to me, if I feel that there is something He wants me to do, and I ignore it.. I’m telling Him no.

How stupid is that?!?!  How full of myself I must be to think that i (little i, not even a big I) can tell God no.  He doesn’t have to use me.  He doesn’t have to love me.  Yet, He does.  And here I am, ungrateful child, telling Him no with a bunch of excuses that hem Him in and make Him seem less powerful than He is.  How small minded of me. 

But I asked for it – that’s the really freaky part.  I’ve been begging God to use me in some big way for Him, to let me be a part of something amazing and huge for Him.  But in the middle of that, I was focused on being A  PART while He was focusing on it being something amazing and huge.  How cool is it that He reminds us to get ourselves straight, to get our focus back on track?

Even now, my mind is spinning.  I am not sure where to begin with this thing.  Bull.  Yes, I am.  The beginning was me voicing this to my husband and to Christy.  I could have kept quiet, avoided the whole conversation, neatly steering the topic away when anyone brought it up, pretending to be oblivious.  But I didn’t.  I said it.  It was confirmed.  I made some excuses brainstormed. 

And now, it’s time for to walk the walk.  I could let it slip through cracks.  But then all of you would know.  I could say that I need to focus on other things, but that’s weak. 

This is what I know:
God wants us to feed the hungry.
There are hungry people in Rome, GA.
There is no one feeding people in an organized fashion that I could find on Christmas Day in Rome, GA.
Someone needs to do it. 
I can cook, though I have never cooked for lots of people.  I’m no ding dong, I can figure it out.
Things like this always get bigger than you planned.
I have no resources as far as location, food or materials and am not sure where to start to get them.
I’m not sure if there are licenses or things like that we’d need.
I am going to need help.
I am going to need God.  I cannot do this on my own.  I cannot do it without or outside of God.  This has to be 100% Him. 

Loaves and fishes, my friends.

If not me, then who?  If not now, then when?

Gifts That Keep Giving

I’m trying not to think.  I have a pounding headache.  Yet, my mind is spinning, planning, thinking ahead. 

My sister was here this weekend, which was insanely wonderful.  She lives in Indiana, and though I talk to her almost every day, it isn’t the same as having her here.  I miss her terribly, and when she goes, it feels like part of me is torn.  I cannot begin to explain the connection that we have, the closeness I feel to her.  For the first time this weekend, we were able to discuss Christ.  She went to church with me (mostly because she didn’t really believe we did it in a bar) and said it was “pretty cool… for a church.”  Then she started a discussion about what she believes. 

With all that we talk about, all that we share, our spiritual beliefs aren’t something we’ve ever discussed.  Variety of reasons that don’t matter.  I am a coward.  That’s what it boils down to.  I need to speak boldly.  I did my best to do that and to allow God to speak through me to her.  I was hoping for a miraculous conversion, I admit.  It didn’t happen.  But at the same time, I was reminded that God’s love never returns void, that it was a seed that was planted. 

I cannot imagine spending eternity without my sister.  I pray for her every day.  If you think of it, please pray for her too.  This year, gifts seem so wasteful, so small.  What I really want to give her is eternity, with Christ.  If I could wrap up salvation in a package and simply give it to her to open it, that would be amazing.  But all I can do is play “show and tell” with my own heart.  Maybe it made a difference in some way. 

We exchanged our presents this weekend since she was here.  I had asked for various small group curriculum DVDs from my family.   Yay!  I got them!  While I will definitely be watching them, and maybe going through them with my group, they aren’t for me.  They are for my “library”.  I will be loaning them out to the Connect Groups. 

I am SO excited about that!  I am so excited about being able to pass on something that I was given, something that has impacted my life so much.  When I think of the influence and impact that my small group has maybe had on others, I think of the fact that we are about to “birth” about 5 new Connect Groups full of people who have never been in this environment.  I think of the spiritual and relational growth they are about to begin, the relationships they will be forming.  But most of all, I think of them loving each other and other people and scaring the holy crap out of the devil – bringing the kingdom of God here to Rome! 

I think of people whose lives will be changed, who will, in turn, change the lives of other people.  I think of groups of people who will be there for each other no matter what who will model the unity and love of God. 

I am so excited about that.  That God allows me to be a teeninsy little part of that just blows me away.  So this little stack of DVDs, this little beginning of a library, feels like gifts that will keep giving.  It feels like the beginning of something much larger than us, it feels like Christmas.

Cooking as a Competition Sport

I live in the South, where cooking is a competition sport.  We take it very seriously down here, and as a result, we’re quite good at it.  A Southern woman who is not a good cook is in the minority.  We may not be gourmet chefs, but we can however, make some biscuits that will make you slap yo’ grandma.  (Not literally, that’d be bad manners, which is another thing we don’t do here in the South.) 

A woman judges other women on her potluck skills, her baking finesse and general non-hungriness of her husband.  This being the Christmas season, potlucks and office parties are in full swing.  Make no mistake, that buffet table is a judging table.  Women are carefully accessing the prowess of their competition coworkers. 

There are the inevitable old reliables:  sausage balls, a cheese ball, queso, chili, broccoli salad, a trifle, pigs in an blanket, anything that is layered (whose layers are numbered as a part of the name of said dish) and multiple casseroles.  Then there are the desserts: mile high cakes, layered and frosted and most definitely made from scratch, red velvet, strawberry, German chocolate, coconut.  And every year, there is the battle for breakout recipe – something new, the new trend.  It seems this year it is Buffalo Chicken Dip.  (We do love the dip down here.)

I’ve never, in my time up north, noticed this same competition, this fierce one upmanship in the cooking department among the regular folks.  I’ve also never really seen a comparable potluck type spread.  It’s done differently up north.  Things aren’t as layered, as coated in nuts and ham; they’re just… different. 

I wonder what would happen if you transplanted several Southern women into an office of northen women.  I wonder if there would be a Civil War of Recipes.  I wonder who’d rub off on the other, if they’d ever eat grits or pigs in a blanket or appreciate that meatballs soaked in grape jelly and BBQ sauce are indeed suitable for parties. 

Office Christmas party today.  I did grape salad.  Nothing too competitive there; mostly because no one else made one.    No attempt to shine or do something revolutionary.  I’m saving that for tomorrow, for the floor party, when I’m making goat cheese and prosciutto bruscetta.  Very NOT Southern.  Very NOT local flavor.  I’m attempting to broaden their horizons.  And betting that there’s more cocktail wienies eaten than my bruscetta. 

Funny how we stick to things we know and guard them with our lives, forever trying to improve what can no longer be improved upon.  We resist new things because we don’t know what they are, have never tried them and wouldn’t begin to know how to “improve” them. 

Are we missing out on something amazing because we are too concerned with improving the same old thing?  Are we missing something earth shattering because we are too afraid to try something new?

Just a thought.